Final Essay

This is an essay that is badly written. I need you to rewrite it taking into account the errors pointed out by my professor. These were the mistakes made according to the rubric given by my professor.
(RUBRIC) Does the text begin with showing? Does the text
include metaphorical language? Does the text
provide rich and satisfying reflection that links the
personal experience of the writer with the larger
needs of the audience?
(MISTAKE) This draft is missing the mark.
Most of the questions in this
category are not addressed in a
satisfactory way.

(RUBRIC) Voice
Can the reader perceive the writer’s voice and
personality in the text? Does the language in the
text feel realistic and authentic? Does the writer
come close to her/his topic so that the reader
senses a strong connection and commitment?
(MISTAKE) I cant perceive the writer’s voice and personality.

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(RUBRIC) Pacing
Does the text slow down and speed up when it
needs to? Does the writer avoid the pitfall of trying
to cover too much ground, treating everything with
the same level of importance? Does the writer
avoid the pitfall of missing too many details and
hurriedly glossing over important details? Is there
an attempt to use narrative time and not merely
follow chronological time?
(MISTAKE) This draft is missing the mark.
Most of the questions in this
category are not addressed in a
satisfactory way.

(RUBRIC) Reader’s Need
Does the text translate beyond the writer’s
personal experience and offers the reader
something of value? Does the text aim to make a
strong connection to the reader by offering
insightful reflection?
(MISTAKE) The draft is moving in the right
direction in this category, but it
needs to be strengthened in all
or some of the areas in this
category.

(RUBRIC) Presentation
Is the text edited to avoid basic grammar,
punctuation, and spelling issues? Is the dialogue in
the text properly formatted based on the
instruction from previous lessons? Is the text
formatted based on MLA guidelines?
(MISTAKE) This draft is missing the mark.
Most of the questions in this
category are not addressed in a
satisfactory way.

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